Using The New Year To Make Your Relationship Thrive In 2019

by | Jan 2, 2019 | Counseling, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy

Can you believe that we are already in another year? It is amazing how the years seem to fly by, especially as you get older. I’m sure by now, you’ve probably made some sort of resolution for the new year. Did you know that the tradition of New Year’s resolutions dates all the way back to 153 BCE? New Year’s Resolutions are typically a promise that you make with the ultimate goal of improving your life in some way during that year. Starting your resolution on the first day of the year is sort of like a mile marker: it allows you to gauge your progress along the way.

So maybe your resolution was to start a healthy eating journey that you’ve been putting off or even to do a certain number of charitable deeds throughout the year. Maybe it’s to reduce your plastic usage or to visit that special family friend more often. Another popular resolution is dating for those who are still seeking their special someone. For those who already have someone special, however, why not use the new year to enhance that bond? If you are in a relationship, make it a point to add a resolution to help your relationship grow and strengthen. Use the new year to make your relationship thrive.

Maybe for you, it seems that your relationship has lost its spark over the past year, or even over the past few years. You feel disconnected from your partner and communication has broken down. Instead of being a cohesive unit, you and your partner are simply occupying the same space, living merely as housemates. You might have found yourself being short with your partner, using any little thing to start an argument. Or maybe you have given up completely on trying to make it work and instead have settled into the routine of sleeping in the guest bedroom.

You don’t have to live that way. Use the new year to pledge to put your relationship first and work together to change the course of your lives. The start of a relationship is exciting because of all the firsts and new things you try together. With a little work, you can recapture that same magic again!

Keeping reading for a few simple ways to make your relationship go from just getting by to healthy and alive.

One of the biggest things that you can do to help your relationship be successful is work on your communication. Being intentional about improving communication, trust, and satisfaction can yield significant positive change in your relationship. Whether you have children or not, schedule a weekly date where the two of you can simply get away and focus on your time together. It’s so easy with our busy lives to forget to check in with our partners but by setting a weekly plan, it allows the two of you to have the opportunity to reconnect. The date could be something as simple as getting ice cream together or grabbing a cup of coffee and taking a walk in the park. If you do have children, a weekly date will allow you to take stock of your parenting goals as well. You will have the opportunity to discuss any issues that might have risen and make sure that the two of you are on the same page.

Another way to make your relationship thrive is to start the new year off by being more affectionate with your partner. It is amazing how much a simple little gesture can mean – holding hands, sitting close to one another instead of in separate chairs, or a brush of the leg with your fingers as you pass by. It creates a sense of intimacy outside of the bedroom. In addition,  verbally telling your partner how much they mean to you or thanking them for the little things that they do (such as making the bed or picking up your favorite snack when they stop at the store) goes a long way into rebuilding that connection. When you acknowledge your partner in that manner, it shows you appreciate them.

Getting the relationship help you need.

Don’t be afraid to seek a professional to help rebuild your relationship. Sometimes it does take someone unaffiliated with you and your partner stepping in to make a difference. A therapist doesn’t seek to blame you or your partner for the communication breakdown. Instead, we work to see what can be done to fix it. We all operate with certain blind spots  – points of denial or emotional disconnects – that we are sometimes unable to acknowledge until a professional points it out. These blind spots can hurt your relationship if left unchecked.

If you think your relationship would benefit greatly from an outside perspective, please contact Spectrum Psychological Services. As a relational therapist, I work collaboratively with you to identify problematic interactional patterns and find more adaptive ways of meeting your needs and by extension, improve your relationship. I will provide you with the tools to help strengthen the bond with your partner or spouse.

Relationships are meant to be fun. They can be filled with laughter and joy. Yes, a relationship does require regular maintenance to make it work well (like anything worthwhile), but it need not feel like a chore. Be kind to your partner and put your relationship first. If you make each other a priority, the rest will fall into place.

Contact Spectrum Psychological Services and get started TODAY making 2019 the best year yet for your relationship. You can change your future by starting with your present.

Contact us today to schedule an appointment.

3 Reasons Why Distance Counseling Is For You (and One Reason Why It Isn’t)

by | Dec 18, 2018 | Counseling, Mental Health, Therapy

 There are often times in our lives when we seem to have hit a roadblock. These roadblocks tend to be mental roadblocks: a manifestation of some other issue that gets in the way of our daily lives. It could be that the relationship we are in is crumbling before our very eyes. It could be that the stressors of our job are wreaking havoc on us. It could even be a physical affliction, such as battles with drug or alcohol abuse.

When we don’t address the underlying issues in our lives, we may find ourselves dealing with feelings of depression, unworthiness, and self-loathing. You may even find yourself having unexplained bouts of anger or find that the slightest thing will set you off. It can be increasingly difficult to live this way. You’ll begin to find yourself isolated from others. You may deal with bouts of insomnia or unexplained weight gains/losses.

It’s true that we all have moments in our life where we are not at our best. However, there is something that can help you find your path once more. When you fully understand your needs and how to meet them, it is possible to have a more successful, fulfilling life.

Maybe for you, it looks like this: You’ve arrived home from a busy day at work only to find your partner lounging about on the couch. The dishes aren’t done, the laundry is piling up, but your partner seems to pay it no mind. Without listening to your partner explain their own stressful day, you immediately fall into a rage and the fight starts. Before you know it, you’ve fallen into this routine of communication breakdown.

Or maybe you’ve found yourself using alcohol to ease the stresses of the day on a regular basis. Your drinking habit has began to get in the way of your relationships with others. You’re unable to attend your child’s game or performance because you know you aren’t safe to drive. Perhaps you find yourself taking a risk and driving anyway.

It’s okay to not be okay, especially when you feel stuck in your life and can’t see how to free yourself. What is not okay is to think that you have to continue to live that way. There is another path that you can take. One that involves taking an introspective look at yourself and at your life – therapy. Even if you are unable to attend a therapy session in person, there is another option for you.

Keep reading for our 3 reasons why YOU can benefit from distance counseling. 

 

WHY SEEK A THERAPIST?

 

 Reason One – We all need help in our lives at one time or another. Maybe we’ve recently gone through a break-up or divorce and can’t figure out who we are without that other person. Maybe you’ve hit a rough patch that you just can’t seem to shake or are addicted to drugs and alcohol and are ready for a change. A therapist will help guide you through these transitions.

My job is to help you identify your therapeutic goals from a relational integrated theoretical framework. This means my therapeutic interventions all center around your relationship with yourself and others.  Every treatment plan is unique, and may include elements of psychodynamic or depth work, mindfulness and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), among others. We work on identifying unhelpful patterns and breaking those cycles so you experience improvements in how you manage your emotions and behaviors.

 

WHO IS A GOOD FIT FOR DISTANCE COUNSELING SERVICES?

 

 Reason Two – Maybe you have been having difficulty finding a therapist near you to fit your needs. Or maybe you have not been able to make it to your sessions due to scheduling conflicts or your lifestyle. It could even be that you are not feeling well enough to travel to my office. It’s okay – I understand. All of these are excellent reasons to consider distance counseling.

With distance counseling, we are able to connect from the privacy of your home or office and don’t have to worry about the commute, weather, or traveling costs. We meet using a Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) compliant video platform so that we are able to see and hear each other.

Reason Three – A good fit for my distance counseling services is someone who wants to change. If you are not willing to work on yourself and make changes within your lifestyle, then you will not benefit from counseling in general. Although you may not have caused all of the problems you are facing, it is up to you to take responsibility for your life and your actions in the present.

 

WHO ISN’T A GOOD FIT FOR DISTANCE COUNSELING SERVICES?

 

 There are certain circumstances where distance counseling is not appropriate.  Distance counseling is not for any crisis or emergency situations. If you are experiencing suicidal ideation, thinking of harming yourself or others, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.  In addition, there are some symptoms and behaviors which are best served by in person therapy. If you were interested in seeing if distance counseling would be a good fit for you, I suggest contacting me at Spectrum Psychological Services today!

If we start a distance counseling session together but you realize that this isn’t the best outlet for you, we can schedule appointments at my office in Darien, Illinois. Please note that I am licensed in Illinois and Iowa so I am only able to assist those who have  permanent residence in those states.

If you have enjoyed reading our article, the next best thing you should do is contact Spectrum Psychological Services to schedule a session. Our first session together will allow us to dive deeper into your needs and explore what you require in order to achieve peace of mind.

 

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT AFTER READING OUR 3 REASONS WHY DISTANCE COUNSELING IS FOR YOU

 

 Now that you’ve read all about distance counseling, you now have the the opportunity/ability to make a difference within your life and explore the opportunities before you. Although you may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness, you have the power within you to take action. Reading this article has already placed you on the path to understanding yourself better.

Achieving an emotional balance in your life can be challenging, but it is worth the effort. You can find fulfillment and enjoy positive experiences again. Spectrum Psychological Services will work closely with you to help you achieve your goal. 

 

Contact us today to schedule an appointment.
Will Therapy Help Me?

Will Therapy Help Me?

by | Jun 5, 2018 | Counseling, Mental Health, Psychology, Therapy

If you’re reading this, you’re probably thinking about going to therapy. Maybe it’s your first time and you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe you’ve had some negative experiences and you’re not sure if this time around will be different.

First, I want to let you know that you are taking a step toward changing your life for the better. Whatever you’re going through, whatever has happened, you do not have to do this alone. When you step into my office, you will be with someone who will sit with you through the pain, the tears, the anger, all of it.

You likely have had some thoughts and events in your life you haven’t shared with anyone, or only with a few close people. A huge part of the therapeutic process is the relationship between you and your chosen therapist. As you get to know them, you will build trust. I don’t expect you to tell me everything the first moment you meet me. You’re in vulnerable place and it’s more than okay to take whatever time you need in order to share your story. You’ve lived a whole lifetime already, so there’s a lot to say and there will be plenty of time for it. I will be patient and respectful of your boundaries.

From time to time, I may call your attention to what is going on in session. For example, I might share my experience of you in session and connect it to how others in your life interact with you. I might ask about what your experience of me is or how our therapeutic relationship is going. This feedback can be useful for both of us to discover other areas needing our focus and allowing for openness of communication.

There’s a common misconception that people who seek therapy have to have serious problems. That is not the case, and all types of people are in therapy. Therapy has the potential to help anyone who is committed to the process of change and learning about themselves. Sometimes there are stressful periods in life with work, family, school, or your physical health and having a supportive professional to hear your concerns can lessen the burden of feeling alone with your worries. Also, you are never too old for therapy. Every day that you are here is a chance to make a change.

But will therapy help you in particular? The answer is that depends. It’s highly dependent on what it is you are seeking and your involvement along the way. Therapy is not something that happens to you. It’s very much an active process. Each session is an event we co-create, and what happens in that room (and outside of it) is driven by both the content (what you say) and the context (what’s happening between you and I). I believe by attending to both of these pieces, we set the stage for powerful insights and self-knowledge.

Starting therapy can feel risky and bring up anxiety for the reasons I’ve discussed above, and maybe some others I haven’t mentioned. However, I want you to know you can feel nervous, and still take the leap to begin. If you’re ready to start a new chapter in your life, you can contact me below. I’m looking forward to speaking with you!

Contact us today to schedule an appointment.